(all words & lyrics by Ian Carter, unless otherwise stated)
Building-up song
1. Well, lads, this is it – we’d best start unpackin’
Cos there’s a lot to do before we open, so we’d better get crackin’
We’ll put the waltzer over there – next to the four-abreast,
If you set the stalls up, then we’ll do the rest.
2. The tilt’s a bit grubby, Tom – get Billy to clean it
Cos tonight’s goin’ to be a belter: Madam Zaza’s foreseen it.
The tattooed lady’s still ‘ere, but we ‘ad to lose the strong man,
So Ben’s standin’ in, an’ ‘e’ll do what ‘e can.
3. Noah’s Ark is ready now, and the swing-boats are goin’
The helter-skelter stands waitin’, and the ghost train is glowin’
Now the stalls are in place. All the rides are set to go,
Is everyone ready? Then – ON WITH THE SHOW!
4. Turn on the sets, and switch on the lights,
Let’s get the show rollin’ – tonight’s the night.
Let the music start playin’, let the big wheel go round.
Let everyone know the Wakes is in town!
Roll a penny, toss a ball
1. Hey! The Wakes is in town. Are you comin’ down?
Be a sport, Joe, I’m not goin’ on mi own.
If you come wi’ me, we can ‘ave a spree
We can stay till late an’ get the last bus ‘ome.
We can ride the helter-skelter an’ the dodgem cars
The we’ll play the fruit machines an’ try to get three bars
We can chat the girls up underneath the twinklin’ stars
Get your togs on, then, we’re goin’ to the fair.
Chorus
Roll a penny, toss a ball, make the coconuts fall,
See the colours change before your very eyes!
Throw a hoop, or hook a duck – come an’ try your luck,
Hit the target, do your best an’ win a prize!
2. I forgot to say – Julie’s bringin’ Kay –
I’ve arranged to meet ‘em down in Sammy’s Caff.
We can make ‘em squeal as they ride the big wheel
Then we’ll take ‘em on the ghost train for a laugh.
We can show ‘em just ‘ow good we are at pitch an’ toss
We can take ‘em on them planks you ‘ave to walk across
Then they can buy us all a hot dog or some candy floss
Yes, we’ll certainly impress ‘em at the fair.
(chorus)
3. Hey, look over there – “Win a teddy bear”
If you shoot down all the targets on the range.
Don’t be mardy, Joe. Come on – ‘ave a go.
Got no money left? Well, I’ll pay (for a change)
Just pretend you’re on safari: just be brave an’ bold
Then we’ll go to Madam Zaza, get our fortunes told
An’ they say the House of Wax’ll make our blood run cold
Yes, we’re goin’ to ‘ave a good time at the fair.
(chorus)
The helter-skelter
(a call-and-response shanty kind of song)
1. The helter-skelter stands so high
Up the stairs and down the slide
The top of it reaches to the sky
Up the stairs and down the slide you go
2. Red and yellow and blue and green …
The lights make all the colours gleam …
3. You pay your money at the gate …
Then you grab a little mat – you can hardly wait …
4. You rush right up to the very top …
But don’t look down, it’s a 50-foot drop …
5. You wave to all your friends below …
Then you give a good push an’ away you go …
6. Round and down with a shudder and a bump …
Then you hit the bottom with a judder and a thump …
7. Stand up an’ dust yourself an’ then …
You pick up your mat an’ you do it all again …
The House of Wax
1. They’re built on a framework of flexible wire
They look just like us, but they have no desire
To see through our eyes, so they do not enquire
Who comes to the House of Wax
2. There’s heroes and statesmen, a queen and a king
And last season’s pop stars, all “doing their thing”
But none of them’s playing, and they’ll never sing
On the stage in the House of Wax
3. They don’t hear a word that their visitors say
It’s none of their business who passes their way
They’re stuck here together – together they’ll stay
Alone in the House of Wax.
Looking for love (Madam Zaza’s soliloquy)
From an idea by Chris Coe for the first verse
1. What’s the feeling? What’s the ache?
When you’re knockin’ on 60, and you know you’re a fake …?
Where will it end? What’s goin’ on?
When you’re 59, an’ you know you’re a con …?
They all come to me with their ‘opes an’ their dreams
Lookin’ for a world wot ain’t like it seems
They expect me to show ‘em ‘ow to work out their schemes
But most of all, they’re lookin’ for love.
2. ‘Ow did it start? ‘Ow did it grow?
To be a thick kid from the East End – but even worse, to know …
’Ow did it feel? ‘Ow did it ache?
When I was young, and not on the make …?
I ‘ad all the dreams an’ I ‘ad all the ‘opes
I could beat the system in a world full o’ dopes
But I ‘ad no Zaza to show me the ropes
But by God, was I lookin’ for love!
3. What could I do? I’d a flair for it
I was good – I could con wiv the best
For the rest, the punters never guessed
But I knew – I always knew …
4. Who could blame me? What’s there to blame?
Everything is authentic – even down to the nose!
What’s it all for? ‘Ow would it feel
If it was true – if it really was real?
They tell me there’s people who do this thing right
I’m not one o’ those – don’t even dream at night
If I could do it, wouldn’t we all get a fright!
No chance o’ that, while I’m lookin’ for love.
5. What’s the difference? Who bloody cares?
Just as long as I’m consistent, an’ keep peddlin’ mi wares
Who’s goin’ to mind? Who’ll call my bluff?
If I keep it vague, that’ll be good enough.
The costume, the make-up, the rigs of the stall
The tea leaves, the cards and the old crystal ball
You’d think by now I’d be used to it all
But no way! I’m still lookin’ for love.
(Tell me, tell me,) Madam Zaza
Chorus
Tell me, tell me, Madam Zaza, what you see in your crystal ball
Is the future at your beck and call? Won’t you tell mine for me?
Tell me, tell me, Madam Zaza, what the tea leaves predict for me
Can you really see my destiny? Please tell me what you see
1. I can see by your eyes, you’re Aquarius
And by nature you tend to be gregarious
If you want to be sure what the fates have in store
Take a look for yourself – (to audience: it’s hilarious!)
You will meet a tall dark stranger, under a ladder with a big black cat
He’ll be impervious to danger, cos he’ll be wearing a cowboy hat!
(chorus)
2. Let me take a little look at your horoscope
Ooh, that’s not very good (to audience: norra lorra scope!)
And my crystal ball’s so old, there’s no vertical hold
What it needs is a scrub with a bar o’ soap
You are going on a journey to climb a mountain as yet unclimbed
And you’ll meet a chap called Ernie … (to audience: Well! It’s the only name that rhymed!)
(chorus)
3. I can see by your manual anatomy
That you think that I’m clever, but you flatter me
Cos I’ll never be free from my gift, don’t you see?
And my own mental powers tend to shatter me.
It’s like a dark cloud high above me. Oh, how I wish my sky were blue
What I need is someone to love me (to herself: and I like the looks of you!)
Final chorus
Tell me, tell me, Madam Zaza, please explain what you said just now
Do you think that this is really how the future has to be?
Tell me, tell me, Madam Zaza, do you believe in che sara, sara?
If our futures must be on a par, will you share mine with me?
If our futures must be on a par, will you share mine with me?
Mary Ann, the tattooed lady
1. Roll up, ladies and gentlemen, I’d have you all to know
There’s only a couple of minutes to go before we start the show
With the aid of my assistant, I shall open the curtains wide
And you’ll see, before your very eyes, what we have got inside
Chorus
Oh yes! Oh yes! What a wonderful surprise!
When you see the lovely Mary Ann, you’ll never believe your eyes
Oh yes! Oh yes! It’ll make you giggle and grin
When you see the funny lady with the pictures on her skin
2. Look there, ladies and gents, between her shoulders for a start
In all its colourful glory, that’s a major work of art.
It’s a ship that’s lost its rigging, and its mast’s about to break
It if falls, the shock’ll kill her when her fat begins to quake
(chorus)
3. Right below it, ladies and gents, there on her back – a Roman god
The one that’s got two faces, though they both seem rather odd
Cos on of ‘em looks guilty (that’s the one that’s facing West)
And the other one is laughin’, cos ‘e can see ‘er ‘airy chest!
(chorus)
4. And the next, ladies and gentlemen – a dragon out to kill
What a masterly example of a great tattooist’s skill
And this fine cathedral window, with its panes of coloured glass
Not to mention all these snakes and things crawling through the grass
(chorus)
5. May we ask you, Mary Ann, are these pictures what they seem?
If not, then could you tell us all exactly what they mean?
(Mary Ann) Oh yes, sir, I will tell you, if the truth you want to know
I will tell you all my story, which is what these pictures show.
(no chorus)
6. Now the ship it is my first love: a sailor from Quebec
Who left me, stripped and naked, and my life a total wreck
And the Roman god’s my second: a thrilling man and wild,
But a two-faced robbing devil, who left me with his child.
7. And the dragon is another man who burned me with desire
And the snakes are all the others – every one a cheating liar
The many-coloured window is a chart of all my pains,
But I show the world my pictures (though the hurting still remains)
The all-night dancing booth
1. Hey, Joe, did you ‘ave a little go on the waltzer? And the big wheel?
And did you take ‘er on the ghost train? And the chairoplane?
What did she give you? A smile?!!
Did you tell ‘er she looked like a million quid? I bet you did. You always do.
Did you tell ‘er you’d see ‘er again? Tomorrow at ten?
You can take ‘er to the dancin’ booth
You can waltz the night away, or tango till break of day
Do the twist, the rock’n’roll, an’ do the ‘and-jive
At half past five go into overdrive
Then just when you think you’re in ‘eaven,
You look at your watch an’ it says half past seven.
2. Then it’s time to go to work next mornin’. You’re yawnin’ your ‘ead off.
All your mates are lookin’ good – so they should, though.
They’ve all ‘ad … eight hours!
Then at tea break she’s there, by the coffee machine – the girl of your dreams in the … blue jeans
They’re … skin tight. Take ‘er out tonight. All right?
You can take ‘er to the dancin’ booth
You can waltz the night away, or tango till break of day
Do the twist, the rock’n’roll, an’ do the ‘and-jive
At half past five, more dead than alive,
You decide to call it a day.
You call ‘er a taxi an’ she’s on ‘er way (thank God)
3. Next day is Saturday, ‘ip ‘ooray! You’ve got a chance to ‘ave a rest from all that dancin’
Then at lunch time, same ol’ pantomime
Down to the pub for a … pint!
On your way, you look at the Wakes. For goodness’ sakes, are they pullin’ it down already?
Well it doesn’t seem all that long since you were ‘avin’ a song
An’ a dance in the dancin’ booth
And you waltzed the night away, did the tango till break of day
Did the twist, the rock’n’roll and’ the ‘and-jive
But I suppose that’s the way it goes
The truth of the matter, my friend,
Is that the Wakes, like everything else, must come to an end.
Hackett’s Golden Gallopers
1. Hackett was a riding master – owner of a fine machine –
Snorting horses, four abreast, with livery of red and green
The rounding boards in gilded letters, calculated to excite
Proclaimed that Hackett’s gallopers were “guaranteed to give delight”
With fiery eyes and flowing manes, they galloped proudly round and round
On twisted poles of burnished brass, majestically without a sound
And then the organ thundered out – a thousand lights played on the scene
A glittering world of fantasy – the castle of the Fairy Queen.
2. The people brought their children to the fairground for a special treat
But thrills were what they wanted – Hackett’s gallopers could not compete
The waltzer and the dodgems were the order of this modern day
With chromium-plated fibre glass they drew all Hackett’s crowds away
A group of youngsters came one night to ride the Octopus and Swirl
They laughed and shouted, having fun – that is, except for one young girl
She wandered round from stall to stall, and tried her luck, and failed, and sighed
And then she saw the gallopers and paid her money for a ride.
3. Oh! The joy that young girl found, riding the horses round and round
The loveliest castle she’d ever seen. She longed to be the Fairy Queen.
4. She rode them all night long and had more fun than she had ever known
She stayed until the fairground closed. At midnight she walked home alone
The next night she was there again, amid the squeals, the shouts, the screams,
But she heard only music as she rode on through a world of dreams.
Every night she came from work, rushing to escape the snare
Down the dark and dismal streets to find the bright lights of the fair
The hoop-la stalls did not entice her – not for her the penny games
Every night she rode the horses, loved them all, knew all their names.
5. Oh! The joy that young girl found, riding the horses round and round
The loveliest castle she’d ever seen. She longed to be the Fairy Queen.
6. She thrilled to hear the organ play. She loved the horses shamelessly
And Hackett grew to love the girl who came to him so namelessly
To him she was the loveliest, the sweetest girl he’d ever met
He longed to speak to her. He ached, until his brow was pearled with sweat
And then one night, he made his mind up. He would speak to her tonight
He felt his temples thumping, fit to burst, as he turned on the lights …
But all in vain … she would not come … but oh, poor man, how could he know?
That as she hurried to the fair, her life was dealt its final blow.
7. He sadly sighed, and set to work – the frame required a slight repair
At twelve he turned the engine off. The organ’s tune hung in the air
On he laboured in the dark. He thought he still could hear the tune
He looked and saw his horses gleaming, bathed in silver by the moon
Standing up, he stroked the nearest, ran his hand along its mane
Beneath his touch it gently quivered. Suddenly he felt it strain …
Then all the horses started of – around, away and out of sight
Then back they came, and brought with them the happy girl, dressed all in white
8. Oh! The joy that young girl found, riding the horses round and round
The loveliest castle she’d ever seen – till she became the Fairy Queen.
Pulling-down song
(Words and music by John Tams)
1. Pull down, lads. Pass the bevy round, lads.
Ta-ra to Sylvie. Ta-ra to Jean. We’ll soon be on the road.
Don’t think on what you’re leaving. Don’t think on what you’ve found
Just tear off the tilt, pull out the chat
We’ll find another ground.
2. Pull down, lads. It wasn’t a bad ground, lads.
We’ve made some brass. You’ve ‘ad a lass. It’s p’raps as well we’re going.
I know how it can hurt, lads, to leave her standing here.
For there’s often fears, and there’s always tears
But you’ll be back next year.
3. Pull down, lads. The sets are coolin’ down, lads.
The Ark’s all packed, and the dodgem’s stacked. A bite of scran, then go.
We’ll leave it as we found it – they’ll soon forget we’ve been
For we trade in fun – and we go and come.
We’re often scorned, but seldom mourned.
Oh, I hope you know what I mean.
Sam Taylor (the Ilson Giant)
1. When Samuel Taylor wer a lad, ‘e stood aht by ‘issen,
Cos by the time ‘e reached 14 ‘e measured 6 foot 10.
‘E banged ‘is ‘ead fair reg’lar, like, as ‘e come through t’kitchen door
But that weren’t all, cos fully grown, ‘e measured 7 foot 4.
(spoken) Nah, ‘is ‘eight ‘ad allus bin a problem, tha knows, but ‘e wer very popular wi’ all ‘is mates. See, when they went scrupin’ fer apples, thi’d no need fer a ladder or owt. Owd Sam jus’ used ter reach up inter t’tree an’ grab an ‘andful. Oh aye, ‘e ‘ad ‘is uses, did Sam!
2. But Samuel fahnd ‘e couldna get a reg’lar job at all.
Employers didna like ‘im, cos ‘e made ‘em look so small.
So ‘e went all rahnd the countryside, tryin’ ter get ‘issen a job,
An’ doin’ a bit o’ this’n’that, ter mek a couple o’ bob.
3. One day, to Castle Donin’ton on an errand ‘e wer sent
An’ in the market place ‘e saw a trav’lin’ fairgrahnd tent
Ahtside thi wer a notice-board, all painted up an’ grand
Sayin’, “Come an’ see the giant – the tallest in the land!”
4. It cost the folk, a penny ter goo in an’ ay a squint
An’ ‘undreds of ‘em poured inside – thi must’ve made a mint.
Nah, Samuel bein’ fairly tall, ‘e wondered what ‘e’d see
But when thi fetched this giant aht, ‘e wer only 6 foot 3!
(spoken) Well, Sam took one look at this “little” giant an’ fair cracked aht laughin’. ‘E thought it wer a raight laugh. ‘E laughed that much, ‘e fell off ‘is chair wi’ a bloomin’ great crash! Well, ev’rybody tonned rahnd ter see ‘oo it wor as wer mekkin’ all t’row. Even t’showman come up, ready ter kick ‘im aht, but ‘e soon changed ‘is tune when Sam stood up ter dust ‘issen off.
5. Nah, when this showman saw owd Sam, it made ‘is wallet throb
So t’little giant got the sack an’ Samuel got the job.
This “little” bloke wer none too chuffed, so ‘e gen owd Sam a smack
But ‘e soon wished ‘e ‘adna when owd Samuel thumped ‘im back.
(spoken) So ‘e took this job wi’ t’trav’lin’ show, tha knows, but after a month or two ‘e got a better offer, so ‘e signed up wi’ this other lot an’ off ‘e went. Thi used ter tour up an’ dahn t’country, visitin’ tahns an’ villages alike, an’ owd Samuel ‘ad a great time! Well, it worn’t as if ‘e ‘ad ter do a gret deal! It wer quite enough fer ‘im jus’ ter stand theer, lookin’ tall.
Anyway, it seems as ‘ow ‘is new boss ‘ad this daughter, ‘oo wer quite good-lookin’. She ‘ad anice face, like, an’ a lovely pair o’ … lungs. Well, she used ter be a glassblower, tha knows. Anyroad, ‘er an’ Sam sort o’ took a shine ter each other. Eventually thi got married, an’ set up a bit of an act together – ‘er blowin’ glass an’ ‘im showin’ aah tall ‘e wor.
6. ‘E might ‘ave lived to a ripe owd age, bein’ lanky, like, an’ spry,
But at the age o’ 59, ‘e fel an’ brok ‘is thigh
Thi took ‘im inter Manchester Infirm’ry straightaway
But though thi tried, thi couldna keep the ‘ounds o’ death at bay.
7. ‘E wanted ter be buried near ter t’place where ‘e wer born
But ‘e never would’ve wanted folk ter weep fer ‘im, nor mourn.
So when t’train pulled in ter Ilkeston, t’Brass Band began ter play
An t’people walked along wi’ ‘im an’ cheered ‘im on ‘is way
So ‘ere’s ter Samuel Taylor, ‘oo tried, an’ did ‘is best
Ter conquer ‘is deformity, an’ won a hero’s rest.
Julie's Chance
By Sarah Matthews
Hey look, it's "Hackett's Wonders", another year's turned around
There's rides and stalls and engines, all covering our village ground
Last year, my father warned me, my mother she made her plea
"Beware the waltzing stranger, bright lights and cries of glee!"
D'you remember him Kay
Blue-eyed and blonde hair
He won that goldfish for me
Do you think he'll be there
D'you think that he'll care
D'you think he'll remember me?
Chorus:
Round goes the big wheel of fortune
Come roll the dice, take a chance
The excitement and thrills of wonder
The funfair in just a glance
Oh how he caught my eye there, a gentle moth to the flame
A slow wink across the Waltzer began that romancing game
So now, I search the funfair, each stall in its usual place
I'm moving between the rides now seeking out that familiar face
Do you see him Kay
That's him over there
Much taller and bolder now
Who's that in his arms
Beguiled by his charms
How foolish I feel somehow!
Chorus:
Round goes the big wheel of fortune
Come roll the dice, take a chance
The excitement and thrills of wonder
The funfair in just a glance
Round goes the big wheel of fortune
Come roll the dice and you'll see
The excitement and thrills of wonder
Plenty more fish in the sea!
Verse 1:
He let me stand watching with his brush and his knife,
Cobalt and crimson, magenta and white.
Painting the 'osses he brought them to life,
Gilding the lily, all for your delight.
Chorus:
With the magic and the colour, they'll forget all their trials
In the glitz and the glamour, we're just selling smiles
Verse 2:
It was on that plate palette the magic began,
A-mixing and a-blending and a-shining the flam.
His old box of brushes he knew every one,
There's the Lark and that's a Crow and for bold use, the Swan.
Verse 3:
I learnt from that master with his keen eye and hand,
But I'm old now meself, one o't last in the land.
It's all airbrush and spray now, it's a sign of the time,
So just pass me that Lark, I'll cut in one last line.
The Fairground
1. Some call it the Wakes, and some call it Statutes,
Most simply call it the Fair
But in times of upheaval, of national tragedy,
The fairground has always been there.
Chorus
The fairground. The fairground.
Everyone loves a good show.
The fairground. The fairground.
The Wakes is in town, don’t you know? Shall we go?
2. In 1914 our young blood was summoned,
With a tin hat, a pack and a gun
But back in old England, despite all their losses,
Their families still needed some fun.
(chorus)
3. In the years of Depression, from a small town called Jarrow,
An angry procession set forth
Those men in their hundreds they marched south for justice
But what gave them comfort up north?
(chorus)
4. For six bloody years of greed and destruction
The whole world was turned upside-down
But throughout all the hardships, one thing above others
Brought joy to both village and town
(chorus)
5. Since the end of the War, through so many decades,
Those years of what history calls “peace”
There’s been fighting and treachery, conflict and misery
But beautiful things never cease
(chorus)
6. Some call it the Wakes, and some call it Statutes,
And some simply call it the Fair
But in times of upheaval, of national tragedy,
The fairground has always been there.
But will it always be?
(chorus ×2)
Show Your Strength
Roll up girls and roll up fellas,
Don't be a wimp and don't be yella,
Nobody's rung that bell so far.
Come and show the girls how strong you are.
Chorus
Swing that hammer and strike that plate,
Ring the bell at heavan's gate.
Make it ring out loud and clear,
And all the girls will scream and cheer,
When you show your strength.
Show your strength.
Swing that hammer and ring that bell,
And all the rest can go to, well,
When you show your strength.
Show everybody you're a man not a boy,
And win your girlfriend a cuddly toy.
Show her your muscles, oh what a size.
Ring that bell and win a prize.
It doesn't really matter if the muscles you bring,
Are like peas on a knife or knots in string.
Just lift that hammer up over your head,
Just slam it down and knock 'em dead.
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